Friday the 13th

We recently just experienced another Friday the 13th.  Another day that both energizes me and brings me to some of my lowest level feelings.  Many people’s reactions that day, in fact MOST people’s reactions that day, dare I say almost everyone that I see and hear on that day, say something that makes me feel badly.

Now, they do not mean to do this or be mean to me.  And I honestly think most of these people would not say these things if they knew how it made me feel.  They just do not realize.  They do not have the opportunity to walk in MY shoes that day, and experience what if feels like as me in those times.  But that is almost impossible to do.  It is not easy to fully step into what someone else is experiencing, because it has developed over a long, long time.  Many people and influences have built up the being that is me.  To try to step into that temporarily is a big challenge, and would be an incomplete experience.

The best that I can hope for is that people will understand by me telling them how it feels to me, and will adjust accordingly.  But even that is a difficult ask.  Other people, like me, have built up traditions and practices and expressions of thought that they have learned and crafted over years and years.  It is not likely that they will just hear my words and suddenly act differently.

At the crux of all of this is that I was, in fact, born on a Friday the 13th.  That day for me is a day that holds joy and energy.  My Mom told me once it was one of the best days of her life!  When I hear people talk about how unlucky and dark that day is to them, it makes me feel less worthy and accepted.  Again, I know this is not what people are saying, but this is what I am feeling.

I brush it off every year, and realize that people just don’t stop to think about it.  But I am forced to put my joy and feelings on this day away, and let their experiences and perspective take over the day.  They are defining my world by their experiences and lack of understanding.

Sometimes when I mention that I was born on a Friday the 13th people get defensive and feel slightly ashamed that they made some evil or dark comment.  This is not what I want either, for them to feel badly.  I would love it if more people could stop to think that yes, there are people who had incredibly good things happen to them on a Friday the 13th.  For a minute, just think about how your reaction might make any one of us feel.

Some might call this being “politically correct” and I despise when that term is used.  I am not suggesting anyone to try to be “politically correct” (whatever that means to them) but rather, simply, be aware that other people have experiences and history in their own lives that may be different from yours.  Maybe consider what you say and do from an outside-in perspective.  What is the other person feeling, thinking, and experiencing? 

Wouldn’t it be more interesting and powerful in all of our lives if we took a minute to see what others see, and move forward in a more informed, collaborative, and productive way?

Oh, and for the record, I used to own a beautiful black cat as well – that’s for another day!